Surviving The 3a2belkon Season
Summer is upon us; you’re happy, we’re happy, everyone is happy. Sunshine, beach, and summer breeze are all things that immediately pop into our minds when we think of summertime. However, an enormous correlation to summer that all us Lebanese singles try to avoid is the oh-so-dreaded “3a2belkon season.” For all of you that don’t really know what this term means, let me give you a quick definition to get you in on the horror. The 3a2belkon Season takes place during the very beginning of summer and ends gradually with autumn, i.e. during the wedding season. Weddings are not all about zaffeh and zalghouta, it also includes hundreds of “3a2belkon” for singles and unmarried couples. During every Lebanese wedding, the “3a2belkon” term is used, and it is basically older generations wishing upon you, the single loser (in their eyes) the same future as the happily married newlyweds. Now I know what you’re thinking: this is a nice compliment and the people saying it doesn’t mean any harm by doing so, but things start to quickly escalate when you’re left alone to contemplate on what you’re doing with your life… nowhere near finding someone worth spending the rest of your life with. To make it out safely, we came up with the following tips:
Smile and wave!
The moment you hear “3a2belik/3a2belak” just smile, nod your head and wave back (zoned out of course). Try your best to hide the awkwardness in your smile; you don’t wanna blow your cover… It’ll be like you’re saying “yes, thank you”, “that’s so sweet of you,” but in reality, your mind would be thinking of the killer tan you’d be getting this summer.
Keep yourself busy.
Never let yourself lose focus! Once you make the slightest eye contact with your attacker, you are doomed to withstand the horror. That is why keeping yourself busy at all times during the wedding is crucial. Open a conversation with your cousin or your siblings, help the waiters serve tables, water the wedding flowers, make a quick phone call to your dog or just go crazy to whatever song is playing. Anything to stay away from the adorable old lady, aka the PREDATOR.
Go into defense mode.
Another way to go would be to attack back. The moment that old lady throws the unspeakable word towards you, summon every bad thing you can hold against her and bombard her with them (in a nice way of course…). For example, if her own daughter isn’t married yet, this information should be your go-to comeback. Disclaimer: you have to be sleek when you use this method, you don’t want to come off as disrespectful…
Suck it up.
A quicker road you could choose would be to just take the blow and get it over with. Imagine that the “3a2belik/3abelak” is a Band-Aid; rip it off quickly for the least amount of damage. Answer with a simple “Thank you” or “3a2bel wledik” and run for your life. You can handle the resulting damage when you’re back home, listening to some sad Abdelhalim Hafez songs.
The “we’re just friends” (for unmarried couples)
When you’re going with your partner to a wedding, that is when a load of “3a2belkon” falls upon you. You and your partner haven’t even thought of plans for the weekend, let alone planning the far, far future. If marriage hasn’t crossed your or your partner’s minds, denial will be your best friend when the predator attacks. Try to convince the predator that you guys are just friends, listing a bunch of arguments to get them off of your back. You could even take it one step further and act as if you’re disgusted to be in a relationship with your partner. The last bit is in fact a bit extreme and will definitely earn you a humongous argument with your partner when you get back home, but it’ll get the job done.
Simply, don’t show up :p
Your last option is to decline whoever’s wedding you’ve been invited to, especially those that are crawling with predators. Even if it’s your sister/brother’s wedding, you turn down the invitation and remain home, safe from any attacks that might come your way. You can always make up some excuse like calling in sick, very believable with Covid-19 roaming around. A great way to apologize for not attending while also congratulating the newlyweds would be to send them a gift from Presentail! On a final note, is it even a real Lebanese wedding if you don’t get at least a 100 “3a2belik” and “nefrah menik?”
Whenever you see yourself stuck in a similar position, always try to make the best out of it. That’s why we created a fun wedding game for you and your friends. The rules are to drink every time someone says “3a2belik/ak” and the one who collects the most 3a2belik/aks loses. P.S.: We’re just being sarcastic.